The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war,

bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
     -- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
   

3.  Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
     -- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
   

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
    -- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
   

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
    -- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
   

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
    -- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)


7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies   and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone.
 
 
(It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.

-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
-- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
-- David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea, it's the law).
-- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
-- Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

15. A wife?...NOT!!!
-- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)

Insane Ancient Medical Cures - FEMALE HYSTERIA

I'm back people.....to make y'all laugh with some real weird ancient medical cures. starting with......



FEMALE HYSTERIA
                                         

Women and their mood swings, right guys? Right? You know what we're saying. Now, if you happen to be female don't be offended, there's no shame in admitting to the occasional bit of moodiness as according to 19th century doctors it's a symptom of a deadly serious medical condition (along with other symptoms such as nervousness, irritability and the dreaded "tendency to cause trouble"). That's right ladies, you may be a victim of female hysteria and not even know it.

So, how exactly do you cure a so-called "condition" that coincidentally was diagnosed almost entirely to women who dared disobey their Victorian husbands? Glad you asked. The prescription for female hysteria was usually a good spot of doctor administered vaginal massage until the woman achieved "hysterical paroxysm."

 

Yes that's right, the cure for female hysteria was a doctor's hand down your bloomers until you weren't only thinking of England but screaming its name. Is it any wonder the list of symptoms for female hysteria was so long, literally any ailment could fit the diagnosis? In those sexually repressed times visiting the doctor's office must have been like a trip to Disneyland for most women.

 Doctors of the day on the other hand were apparently, I don't know, gay or something since they actually objected to women's frequent desire to be "cured" by their magic fingers. Their solution to alleviate hand strain? They invented the vibrator,