ONÍRÈSÉ

Before ÒYÓ became what we know today as Oyo town and Oyo state, it was known as ÒYÓ-ILÉ which Historians referred to as OLD OYO EMPIRE.
That was the Era when the ALÁÀFIN had the autonomous power and referred as;
"Alaşę ikeji Orişa" ( the 2nd in command to the gods). There was an absolute Power endowed to the Alaafin all over Yoruba Kingdom. The powers can only be checked by the OYOMESI, for the purpose of CHECK and BALANCE.
Infact, there was one Alaafin who ordered for the head of his father in-law, simply because the wife indirectly challenged his Authority while bathing the Alaafin in the bathroom. (You can grab a copy of BASHORUN GAA to see full story).
Thus, the trio phrase of; 'IKÚ BÀBÁ YÈYÉ" which is translated as; " THE DEATH, THE PATERNAL and THE MATERNAL" might not mean anything to us in this modern Democatic Era but in the ancient Yoruba Days, it meant a great deal.

Behind the Alaafin Oyo's Palace in the Ancient days were rows of stalls where wood and calabash carvers known as ONÍRÈSÉ engaged in their craft work. ONÍRÈSÉ as earlier said literally means CALABASH CARVERS but among these carvers, one was nicknamed ONÍRÈSÉ. He was a Divinely gifted Carver.
During his birth, an IFA priest who was consulted by his parent, informed that the new born baby will be a great leader and one day, he will find himself in a strange land across the Ocean among the white people. But he must not engage in any work than the Carving business.
His kinsmen were not surprised with the calibre of people that were patronising ONÍRÈSÉ as he was growing into the carving business. The Alaafin, his chiefs, Kings from neighbouring towns and all idol worshippers were all customers to this young man. His work was second to none in the entire Yoruba Region.
One day, some Europeans who had come to Oyo for tourism and to study the Monarchical system of the Oyo Empire stumbled into the stall of ONÍRÈSÉ and they were completely amazed by the excellent craft works done by him. After said and done, ONÍRÈSÉ found himself in an exhibition in Switzerland where his work became the best among others. ONÍRÈSÉ spent 13 years touring different part of Europe with the help of an European lady who had become his close Associate.
After tying the knot with this lady after an Exhibition in a small town in Sweden, ONÍRÈSÉ decided to return home with his new bride for proper African traditional wedding.
The entire Oyo township and its environ were filled to the brim with people who had come to witness this very rare marriage. It was a showcase of pure African tradition and the Europeans that witnessed the occasion were fully entertained.

After the wedding rites, the Alaafin bestowed the title of BAALE ÌRÈSÉ to ONÍRÈSÉ for the great honour he brought to Oyo kingdom. With the new title and responsibility, the Alaafin believed that the white woman would mot take the great man back to her strange land again.
At this period back home, ONÍRÈSÉ desist from making calabash again rather he focused on other lucrative businesses and the governing of his little Area.
His old customers who were highly placed all over Yoruba Kingdom approached him to make Calabash for them but he refused bluntly, encouraging them to patronize his kinsmen who are still into the business. This attitude annoyed some prominent chiefs in Oyo and they reported him to the Alaafin,  saying the man had become so arrogant and disrespectful. They wanted Alaafin to give him him a marching order to continue with the carving skill.
The Alaafin in his wisdom replied thus;
Eyin Oyomesi,  BÍ ONÍRÈSÉ BÁ KÒ TÓ LÓHUN Ò FÍN'GBÁ MÓ, ÈYÍ TÓ TI FÌN SÍLÈ KÒ LE PARUN LAELAE". This simply means; if ONÍRÈSÉ, the calabash carver desist from making calabash again, the ones he had made in the past can never be perished.

***

Credit- yinka egbeyemi.

PASTOR'S SECRET WIFE

Episode  One

The last abortion I did was the fourth time I'm doing abortion for you. You want to destroy all the children in my womb? When I finally get married, what will I give to my husband? I will not abort this pregnancy, I will keep it and face the shame. Stella lamented to her secret boyfriend after he asked her to go for abortion as usual. You know I am a pastor and my integrity is at stake if you keep this pregnancy. What will I tell my wife? What do you want me to tell my G.O? How will I stand my congregation? Those who wanted my downfall all this while will now have the opportunity to ground me. You can't keep the pregnancy Stella. These and more were the words of Pastor Olumodeji, when Stella insisted she will keep the pregnancy this time.

How did it go? I asked my friend. Stella has been my childhood friend for over two decades now. Every time she was pregnant for pastor Olumodeji, I was the only one she confided in. We were both members of the central choir until pastor Olumodeji transferred me to our new branch in the mainland and made me the head of the choir. He made it look like he was promoting me but I knew he was no longer comfortable seeing me in the same church he pastors, knowing how much of his secrets I have known. Before my transfer, whenever he preaches about righteousness and our eyes jammed, you could notice the uneasiness on him. I didn't know how my friend entered into this prison. All our attempts to stop their illicit relationship failed severally. They had used me most often to clean up their mess. Why I connived with them to continually help them cover up still remains a mystery to me.

Stella, you're keeping this pregnancy this time. How long will you continue to protect an integrity that does not exist? A man of integrity does not sleep with his church members. It is high time you let the church know what pastor Olumodeji has been doing in the secret. If we continue to cover this evil for him, God  will not spare us in his judgement. He should just accept responsibility for his action, I told Stella. I have made up my mind to keep the pregnancy and there's no going back on that but I won't implicate pastor Olumodeji. I can't stand the shame and humiliation. I can't watch and see the church I helped built from the scratch crumble right in my face because of my illicit affair with the pastor. I will not be the one who will be the tool of destruction for the church of God. Pastor Olumodeji may be stained but there are still righteous people in the church. Hearing this will puncture the faith of the young believers who trust him so much. I will run away with my pregnancy to an unknown destination. This is what I will do and I don't want you to advice me against it. Stella said.

Very early in the morning before I woke up from the bed, my phone rang. when I checked my caller, it was our area pastor, my friend's secret boyfriend, pastor Olumodeji. Without doubt, I knew why he was calling me. It must be in connection with Stella's pregnancy. This time I wasn't going to be the good girl I used to be, I will be blunt and straight to pastor. I was still thinking of dirty and derogatory words to use against pastor when I picked his call, then the call ended. I was expecting him to call me back because I knew he must have had a sleepless night over the issue. While I was waiting for his call, Stella's call came in. I picked and couldn't hear her as the call kept breaking due to network problem. I can't hear you Stella, let me call you with my mtn line, I suggested. As I tried to dial her number, pastor's call interrupted. I refused to pick his call so I can speak with my friend first. The more I tried to reach Stella, the more his calls kept interrupting. At this time, I realized he was really desperate and agitated. I was literally confused but not answering his calls may send a wrong signal. I decided to pick his call. "Hello sister Mercy" he said. " Hello pastor" I replied.

I need to see you urgently sister Mercy. We have to talk now, I don't  mind meeting you in your house or somewhere else. He said in a worried voice. Can you imagine my area pastor humble himself to this extent because he had defecated in the wrong place? No wonder the Bible says "there is no peace for the wicked". The thought of using this case to milk him started running through my mind while I was still on the phone with him. But on a second thought, is it not our church resources he will use to service the ransoms? I reasoned within me.

To be continued in Episode Two

A MUST READ: WHEN I NEARLY SCAMMED THE SCAM

Early this week I received a call from phone number 08139239474. He identified himself as Uchenna, a trader based in Abuja. He told me he got my number from the Nigerian Property website, and he is interested in one of the properties I advertised. The property is located at Orji and is worth 7 million naira. He agreed to pay immediately.

I told him he should send someone or come down here himself to inspect the property, but he said he was recently settled by his Oga and is always busy these days. He trusts me and he wants to transfer the money to my account to buy it for him in his name. I was a bit surprised.
Sounds so strange someone who I have never met before, who is talking to me on phone for the first time would just "trust" me and transfer a whooping sum of 7 million to my account for a property transaction. I smelt the scam. I also remembered a colleague shared this kind of information in our Lawyers Forum recently, so I decided to play along.

Evening the next day, he called me back and told me he will not do the transfer again. He was too busy to go to bank. He said he has now locked up the 7 million in the freezer compartment of an old refrigerator which he will waybill to me that evening. I told him I'm ok with the arrangement.

Around 9pm this number 08102319846 called me and said he is Driver Ayuba with my waybill item. He said I should wait for him at Control Post Owerri the next morning around  7am. I told him sir I will be there even by 5.

Fast forward next morning, I didn't get a call from the "driver" till about 8.30am. He called me  shouting untop of his voices that the refrigerator he was bringing me is frustrating his journey. It has been seized by Customs at Delta State. He threatened to drop the package if I don't settle the Customs officers immediately. I told him to be patient and everything will be alright. He gave his phone to the "customs officer" to negotiate with me. Then the Kannywood movie started.

The custom officer was like "Kai oga I don seize am for your package. I go smash am oga. I go find out wetin de inside. Boko haram I finish this kantry, boko haram I come to south east. Kai oga bomb fit de inside this your fridge. I go smash am I go find out wetin de inside"

At this moment I couldn't hold myself. I was laughing all through but maintained my cool. Then I asked him what's the solution. He said I must pay 80,000 naira to them immediately. I told him Oga, I wan pay. Abeg no smash the package. E de important to me. Then he sent me this account details
(Odiakaose Joshua. FCMB, ACC NO 5194987013).

I told him I got it and I'm about to make the transfer. Then I ended the call and waited for 5 minutes. My Nwa- Aba instincts kicked in.
I called them back and told them there is a problem. The transfer is not going through. I just found my MB has finished. I asked them to help me out by transferring 1000 MTN airtime to me so that I can subscribe and send them the 80,000 immediately. All I could hear was laughter in the  background. The "Hausa" Custom officer started speaking pure pigin
He was like " This my brother you strong o, na brain go kill you" He laughed and ended the call.
...and this is just heads up for everyone to be careful out there. Many people have discovered their hidden talents in this Buhari economy. Don't be a victim!

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How to Get Rid of Dangerous Visceral Fat

Today’s lifestyle is geared towards making us fat. We work more hours than ever, so we don’t want to spend our precious few hours off cooking healthy meals, so we opt for less-healthy, quicker options. High stress coupled with the unhealthy foods we eat lead to insane levels of body fat production!

In addition, we are constantly bombarded with

Benefits of Walking

You may not think of walking as much more than a way to get from point A to B. As humans, it is our primary method of movement, but much less involved and less enjoyable than other activities we routinely engage in, so it’s not hard to overlook its importance beyond the immediacy of transportation. However, walking, just like any movement, is a form of exercise, and because it is something so simple, we should take advantage of it more often. Walking, even slowly, or for short periods of time offers various benefits that become more important as we age.

A French study revealed

They Said Coconut Oil Was Great for You but This Is What You Don’t Know

Unless you have been living under a rock for the last few years, then you have probably heard of coconut oil and all of its amazing health and beauty benefits. But what is it about coconut oil that makes everyone rave endlessly about all of its awesomeness? Well, coconut oil is made up of 90% medium-chain saturated fatty acids. This is a combination of mono-unsaturated fatty acids and poly-unsaturated fatty acids. These fatty acids are easily digested, absorbed, and utilized in the body. These medium-chain fatty acids can also easily cross the blood-brain barrier in the unbound form so that your brain can use it as energy. Coconut oil has also been shown to help slow and prevent the spread of cancer cells, act as an anti-inflammatory, is anti-microbial, rich in antioxidants, improves nutrient absorption, and is non-toxic to humans and animals. Since coconut oil is good for your body, inside and out, here are some easy, at-home DIY health and beauty tricks you can do with coconut oil.

THE NAKED TRUTH

According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: "It's a marvellous day today"! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful.

They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: "The water is very nice, let's take a bath together!" The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage. The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

~ From “The Truth coming out of the well"; Jean-Léon Gérôme, 1896.

Paul McCartney Smoked the Strongest Weed of His Life With Fela Kuti

He told the story in an interview for Marc Maron's WTF podcast.
Paul McCartney recently sat for an extended interview with Marc Maron in which he covered a bunch of Beatles memories, as well as many from his releases with Wings and solo career.

One anecdote that stands out is about his 1973 album with Wings, Band on the Run, which was recorded in Lagos, Nigeria.

Paul mentions that he decided to record in Nigeria because at that time it was "kind of fashionable for people not to record in their normal studios." So, he asked his label EMI what international locations they had studios in, and when he heard of the Lagos studio he was set on Nigeria.

When Paul arrives in Nigeria, the first thing he sees in the papers were headlines of Fela Kuti accusing him of "coming to steal the black man's music," a story he's told many times before.

So he calls up Fela and invites him to the studio to hear the songs he's working on, to prove that his recordings are nothing like afrobeat or any other African music. That's where the new bits of details of this story start.

In Paul McCartney's own words:

"[Fela] came over with his 30 wives and a studio full of ganja. He was one wild cat, he used to have a bottle of whiskey in which was marinating a pound of pot... in the whiskey. We turned out to be real good friends, he got it, he said 'no you're not doing that' [stealing African music].

Ginger Baker was there, he was his big friend. So, Fela invites us to his club which was outside Lagos, the Afrika Shrine. This was a few of us, little white people, me and a couple of friends. So we go out there and I say, '"let's not smoke any pot." Cause it's pretty crazy, we're out in the jungle and it's pitch black.

So we're sitting there with Fela [at The Shrine] and one of Fela's guys comes up, he's crouching and he's got a packet of Rothmans cigarettes. They're all joints. He goes, '"You want one of these?" I say, "no thanks," so he carries around and gets to Ginger Baker who says "Yeah man! Sure!'"

Then Fela shouts, "Ginger Baker! The only man I know never refuse a smoke!"

So I go, "A-ha! Ok, I'll have one of those."

Man. I tripped out. It was so strong. It was stronger than anything I've ever had, I don't know if there was something in it.

But in the end it was a good night.

THE OSOGBO WAR OF 1840

After the Fulanis systematically captured and made Ilorin their territory, they sacked the old Oyo Empire in 1835/1636 .

They were still not satisfied with their victory; they wished to extend their rule deep into the heart of Yoruba land. Thus in 1840, they set to capture Osogbo , a Yoruba town. The Fulanis, under the command of Ali , the Hausa balogun of Ilorin, laid siege on Osogbo.

When the king of Osogbo realized that the Ilorins were too strong for the Osogbo army, he summoned the Ibadans for help. Ibadan immediately sent some auxiliaries to Osogbo under the command of Obele alias Mobitan , and Alade Abimpagun. As this force could not stop the Ilorins, another contingent was sent to Osogbo under a more experienced leader. But still the Ilorins won every battle and gained more ground.

When Ibadan realized that the Ilorins were becoming more threatening to Yoruba land, they sent a large and stronger force under Balogun Oderinlo to crush the intruding forces and Jammas of Ilorin . When Oderinlo and his men arrived at the battlefield, they realized that things had gone worse than they thought.

They could not show their faces in the open field for the fear of the Ilorin horses, and for about 20 days after their arrival at Osogbo, they could not fight outside the town thickets. Oderinlo suggested that Elepo, a brave Ibadan warrior was badly needed at the war-front. Elepo had been rejected by the war-chiefs of Ibadan for his actions at the late Agbamaja expedition.

As soon as the message from Oderinlo reached Ibadan, the Bashorun wished he could send Elepo to Osogbo but could not go against the wish of other war-chiefs. The Bashorun gave Elepo a cow to worship his god, Ori , and pray for the victory of Ibadan at the war-front.

At the war-front, the Ibadan could not attack the Ilorins during the day because Osogbo was practically in a plain and the Ilorin horses might have advantage of them with disastrous results.

They decided to attack at dusk when the Ilorins would no longer be able to use their horses. About 2:pm, the well prepared Ibadan army left the gate of Osogbo for the battlefield. They were to keep a strict watch and arrest anyone suspected to be a spy.

About a mile from the Ilorin camp, they halted and arranged the order of the attack.

The Osogbo army and the earlier auxiliaries were to handle the center of the battlefield, chiefs Abitiko and Labuju were to command the right wing, Balogun Oderinlo with the rest of the Ibadan war-chiefs were to form the left wing of the army. The Ilorin camp was then attacked at midnight. The watchword was “ Elo ni owo odo? ” (How much is the ferry fare?).

The reason this watchword was chosen was because the river Osun had to be crossed in entering Osogbo from the south, and anyone who could not tell this was likely to be an enemy.

Stampede engulfed the Ilorin camp as the Ibadan army set it on fire. The Ilorins could not offer the slightest resistance; they were smoked with the gunpowder of the Ibadan guns.

This attack was a success for the Ibadan. Some Ilorin war-chiefs were captured in the attack. Prominent ones were:
1. Jimba the head slave of the Emir;
2. One of the sons of Ali the commander in chief;
3. Chief Lateju;
4. Ajikobo the Yoruba Balogun of Ilorin.
The first two were released while the latter two, being Yoruba by birth, were regarded as traitors and were executed. This was a huge victory for the whole of Yoruba land. After the Osogbo victory,
Ibokun, an Ijesa town not far from Osogbo was taken by the Ibadans for being an ally of Ilorin.
After this war, Ìbàdàn later became a force building a formidable war machinery than later prosecuted many other wars with resounding victory.
Notable among the wars was the KIRIJI WAR where the Ibadan warlords formed a historic alliance with the Igbajos. Even though Igbajo became the war front for many years that the war lasted, it was never captured by the raging Ekiti parapò warriors. Rather it was a place where many of them met their Waterloo.
Notable among the warriors were Fabunmi Okeemesi, Ogedengbe Agbogun gboro of the Ijesas, Apasikoto pasigegele of Igbajo and Latoosa of Ibadan to mention a few. There were many more great warriors of the time.
It's worthy to note that the KIRIJI WAR was the last war in Yoruba land. It's also recorded as the longest native war between in Africa.
Since then the Yoruba people have continued to build strong bonds among themselves and they have sustained the peace.

We must continue to tell our children the history of the Yoruba people and the bond which our father had built so that we can continue to see ourselves as one. If the Ibadan people can sacrifice their lives for the people of Osogbo in other to safe other towns and villages in Yoruba land and in essence the carnage of innocent people were prevented, then, we the modern Yorubas have no reason to divide ourselves for political reasons or any reason at all.
Our leaders must continue to put their lives in the forefront to safe the land from all aggression.
And we have the responsibility to support, to advise and to pray for all our leaders irrespective of political divide.

God bless our leaders,
God bless Yoruba land
God bless Nigeria.

The Murder of Ronald Opus

WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THIS IF YOU CAN!

On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency.
As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "A person, who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."
That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
In the room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun.
The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B".
When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was unloaded.
The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.
It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.
The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.
The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

A true story from Associated Press, Reported by Kurt Westervelt.
Facts are sometimes stranger then fiction!