Please read to the end. Very funny

Part One

The audacity of Nigerian debtors.

This madam has been owing me 100k Balance on clothes made for three months.

I haven't bothered because she is a regular client still has fabric with us.
She just appeared on my instagram timeline wearing one of the clothes she hasn't finished paying for. I go through her profile and I see three other dresses she hasn't paid for. I call her and she picks up the phone.
"Morning ma'am. I'm calling to find out when I can expect the balance of your payment."

"Ha Asake those dresses are too tight. I'm bringing them back. Two zips are broken."

"Ma'am I'm looking at the dresses on your profile they look fine. They have been with you for 3 months. You haven't complained  till I called you. You need to pay the balance of your dresses before close of business today."

"Or what ? Even Nigeria is owing money."
She hangs up the phone.
I go to her instagram page and she has blocked me.

I'm weak.

Part Two

Mad people. Mad solutions.

So after the incident that happened this morning  (Re: previous post) I thought of how long, tough and depressing it has been to grow a business in Nigeria. I thought of all the months where we literally spent everything we made that month and the month before on bills. I thought of how many sleepless nights I've had wondering if I'm doing the right thing and asking myself what the hell was I thinking coming to do business in Nigeria. From tailors who abandon work and dissappear with customers and customers' fabric to headaches with generators. It's been one crazy ride.
Then you have clients who won't pay and will be giving you stories here and there. Some will wear the clothes to a party and come back and dump it saying it needs fixing before they pay their balance and then you never see them again. Like if I calculate how much I'm owed and lost in less than 3 years of business in Lagos I will be pushing half a million.
So today I decided to teach this woman a lesson she would never forget.
I bought four eggs got a black marker and painted 3 of them black. I headed for her shop where I met her and told her I need my money pronto because I gave her till close of business and this is 5pm.
"I already told you I will return the dresses they have issues. Do you want to come here and fight me ?"

"I'm not here to fight but I will not leave till I collect my money.  You wore those dresses, now you want to return them."

"I don't have any money to give you please don't block customers from entering my shop"

"Ma'am I left my own shop with pending work to come here, you think you will prosper with this kind of behaviour ?"
She started raising her voice and getting aggressive. I walked to my car and retrieved the 4 eggs. I got back to her where she is standing infront of the shops arms akimbo to prevent me from walking back in. By this time we have drawn the attention of some passers by and other shop owners.

I hold out one black egg and start speaking rapidly
"Koriko ti aja lowo Osi, owo Osi nin gbe. Koriko ti aja lowo otun. Owo otun nin wa. Emi Asake lon s'oro. Omo are alapata! Omo egun jobi amunodoko! Omo Ori gbongbon d'ori ota mu!..."

All I'm saying is my 'oriki'(praise words) like my dad taught me. But to the untrained non speaking Yoruba ear, it sounds positively diabolical.
She exclaimed in Ibo and ran back into her shop. I followed her inside and broke the egg between her legs. She screamed as it splashed on her legs and ran outside screaming witch ! Witch !

I followed her back outside where a small crowd has gathered. Everyone keeping their distance from me. She starts screaming "Blood of Jesus ! I'm a child of God ! You can't do me anything!"

"Jesus hates debtors he cannot save you! You are not a child of God ! If you don't transfer my money before 12 midnight today, you will see what will happen to you!"

I walk over to her car and break the remaining two black eggs in front and at the back.

"If they born you well try and leave this place without paying my money !"

People from the crowd are murmuring and a couple of people try to calm me down.

I put the last uncoloured egg on her car and told her. "Once you have paid my money break the last egg. If you think this is a joke just leave this place today and let me see if that God you are calling will save you !"

People gathered and started begging me
"Ha please sister!"
"Leave it to God!"
"You be witch, you go go hellfire"

"Tell her to pay my money if she wants to see tomorrow!'

I get into my car and leave.

Two hours later, I get a text message.
"Good evening ma, this is XYZ's husband. I have sent 50k to your account. I promise to send the balance by next weekend. Please can we
break the last egg?"

🤣🤣🤣