By Anayo M. Nwosu
I will be a chairman at a wedding reception this Saturday I feel tempted to give the message in this write up as my opening speech but would rather refer the couple to read this article on my Facebook page.
I got the earliest hint of the power of making a woman cry through marvelous performance in bed when I was in the University.
It was when beyond all fathomable reasons that were not academic, good looks nor financial, Matilda, a beautiful daughter of an Onitsha-based billionaire was stuck with a guy known as Surugede.
Surugede was not the only guy in the whole of University of Nigeria Nsukka that was heavily endowed with a huge staff of office but he was able to hone his skills and put his priced natural resource to good use.
He was a sportsman and could run round the Francis Akanu Ibiam stadium in the university up to 10 times nonstop.
The guy never played with his stamina building or sustaining exercises.
He could do 70 "press-ups" in quick succession to the admiration of both males and females who gathered every Saturday to exercise in the stadium.
The icing Surugede added to his sweet cake of excellent stamina was his good knowledge of female geography and rule of action sequencing in bed.
I heard that he was also very patient and could "use his tongue well" unlike many conservative Igbo boys who think that it's all about rude entrance, brutish thrusting and premature ejaculation.
Matilda treated Surugede as a god and suffocated him with love and care all throughout our stay in the university.
A man with big phallus, good stamina, good knowledge of actions sequencing in bed, patience and menacingly good use of tongue is a divine gift to a prayerful woman.
We men, know it for a fact, that not all owners of big phallus could put it to a menacingly good use as a purveyor of a woman to that highest point of bliss; that sweet feeling that's more valuable than silver and gold.
What is the worth of a man with all the money in the world who cannot make his wife feel like a thoroughly shaken woman?
It was a good omen that a day after my traditional wedding, one of my uncles known for "charity work"(i.e. helping sexually weak husbands or relatives satisfy their starved wives) sent for me.
"Anayo, I sincerely hope that you know what you are up against when you chose to marry a beautiful woman," he started to my great embarrassment. "Was that why you called me?" I wondered.
"Ghuchaa nti gi!" meaning "listen carefully!" he warned, "I observed as you were smiling from ear to ear during the traditional wedding ceremony. You danced so well too but that was not enough. It's not all it takes to be the man to your woman.
"I know that were your dad alive today, he would be telling you what you are about to hear from me.
"My son, let it never be lost on you that the submission of a woman to her husband begins in the bedroom; if you cannot satisfy her in bed, you shall never control her outside bedroom.
"The anger of a sexually satisfied wife is always moderated by her reminiscence of her husband's heroics in bed.
"If both of you quarrel or fight and she runs to her father's house, the thought of what she misses would make her return to your house with or without apologies from you.
"Many people don't know my usefulness in this community until I'm no more. I'm even getting old and have reduced the number of women I help do what their useless husbands could not do.
"Anayo, my son, don't play with alligator pepper, cocoyam fufu and ora soup, kolanuts, mmimi and bitter cola. They are good activators especially when the soul is willing but the body is weak.
"You should also exercise regularly since you modern people unlike us, no longer exercise your bodies by making ridges or yam mounds in the farms. You could constantly do what would stretch your stamina to enable you last long in bed.
"Now, bring out that your manhood let me see", my funny uncle asked but I deemed that border-crossing.
I told him that he didn't need to see my phallus to pass on his message.
My uncle laughed and said that he just wanted to know whether I had what it takes to make a woman cry for more. To that, I allowed him a wide speculation.
"I could tell from the way you walk, that you are loaded. Are you not the son of Obiukwu? You cannot resemble him in looks alone.
"In our own time, we the young men could easily rate ourselves by mere observation as we didn't have the luxury of imprisoning our manhoods as you children of nowadays do with pants", my uncle said with a grin on his face.
As I was about to leave, my uncle said: " I wish you well my son, but always remember that the key to the real happiness of your wife is in between your legs and to some extent in your tongue".
With about two decades gone and still counting, I have come to hold as invaluable and supreme, the lessons from Surugede and my uncle David.
Let any man who wants to marry, build up and maintain his stamina in bed. It is a sine qua non. It is the salt, sugar and honey combined in a marriage.
A man ripe for marriage should also find many ways of sustaining his capabilities in bed by reading wider or asking elderly and more experienced men on how to satisfy a woman in bed.
Unfortunately, the act of "doing it well" is not learnt in the church or in the mosque. Discussing sex is deemed unholy or lascivious or being overly canal by religious people.
Funnily, the most religious of women crave for this happiness but are so shy to speak up or demand for it.
A woman could resurrect a shy phallus by licking it as she would a candy or chocolate hoisted on a stick.
With a tender female mouth, the bone could rise again to do great exploits!
All men should know that comfort alone does not make a woman happy. This also is outside the realm of fasting and prayer.
It is illusory for a man to wonder why his wife has gone to seek for sexual happiness elsewhere or is in the bosom of charity givers like my uncle.
On the last day, so many wealthy men who are very poor in happiness producing bed performances would be shocked to learn how their drivers, gardeners, supposedly best friends,male relations, and wives' colleagues in the office have helped to service their wives.
Unfortunately, many people, including my readers here would rather not discuss this kind of topic openly.
They would read and not post a comment too.
A problem once known is half solved.
Find, enhance and maintain your happiness today.
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