Questions & Answers on Sex - Part 1

BY FUNMI AKINGBADE (CAFI.PUNCH@YAHOO.COM)

Funmi Akingbade
| credits: File copy

1. Do I Need Double Protection?

 I think I have a big challenge at hand. Any woman that gets pregnant for me always give birth to multiple babies. Initially I thought it was the fault of my first wife. Immediately after a set of triplet, I stopped sleeping with her and married another woman since my religion permits such. But the second woman also gave birth to a set of twins, which also made me to run into the arm of another wife who followed the footstep of the other two. I am just 35 years of age with 10 kids already. This had made me stop having sex for quite a while now. A friend of mine advised that I would need to ‘double’ the condom I  use before having sex with any woman. Will that make me less fertile?

 Alhaji Bashir

 You fall into the category of people that are endowed with multiple sperm cells that may lead to multiple fertilisation of ovary egg. This condition is rare though. The best suggestion of birth control medium may be a surgical intervention such as vasectomy. But I advise you see your family doctor on this. The ‘two condoms are better than one’ myth was created when it was reported that condoms aren’t perfect and occasionally break. This somehow led people to believe that using two condoms (also known as ‘double bagging’) is safer than using one. This may not be true. If you use two condoms, they will rub against each other during penetration, creating friction, and they could break or slide off into the woman’s vagina. Using spermicide will increase the effectiveness of a condom, but it’s also important to use the right size. If you have a big penis and you use a condom that’s too tight, it can break. If your penis is smallish, don’t use one that is too baggy, it can slip off.

2. Can my man know when I’m aroused?

Is it a must for a man to know when his wife gets sexually aroused? Must there always be an evidence of arousal as part of a good sex? What are the best ways to get into the same page, sexually? My husband insists we must be at the same sexual page for him to know that I am aroused. I don’t even understand what this is all about. Can’t we just have sex and go away?

Mary. O. Mary

 Good marital sex is not something you just do and go away. It is a time of celebration, vow renewal and marital redefining time. As much as sexual relationship between spouses is a basic instinct, it must also be improved on by learning. It is a skill you must learn well. Now guys may not be able to sometimes tell when ladies are having an orgasm, so they probably can’t figure out when we are aroused. This is especially true with newly married and inexperienced husbands. So next time he asks, tell him that one physical indication is that when we women get sexually excited, our vaginas secrete lubricating fluid, which makes us feel ‘wet’. So if he feels you getting wetter, you’re probably getting more aroused. (Which means he should not rush sex, otherwise, he will not be able to see all these). Also, our hearts start pounding and our breathing gets deeper. Our pupils get dilated too, and we may get flushed all over, but these are things that men don’t notice because they are too busy getting excited themselves. Other physical indications of sexual arousal include a flushing of the vaginal lips and clitoris. This can only be noticed if he’s really looking and knows what your parts look like pre-arousal.

Women’s arousal is one of the mysteries of sex and one of the things men can’t figure out. So, you may want to show him a sign by showing him that you’re feeling him. It will only make sex hotter. Letting out a low, soft groan or two usually gets it going, and men like it when women tell them they are getting excited -that only gets them more aroused. They like it even better when we talk sweet sexy talk to them. Tell him the next time you feel like you are getting turned on. If you want to let your husband know that you’re aroused, all you have to say is “I am so horny right now.” It will be music to his ears.

3. I’ve never experienced an orgasm or sexual pleasure as a man

Hello, I’m a 32-year-old male and have never experienced an orgasm or any resemblance of sexual pleasure in my life. Even though I started masturbating at the age of 13 years, but few years into this act, I started noticing that I felt zero pleasure during the process and nothing at all when I ejaculated. There was never a feeling of ‘build-up’ as people describe. It feels no different than rubbing my arm. I have tried stopping masturbation, got married, but the problem remains the same. I’m able to become aroused and get an erection, but I can’t maintain it during sex because there’s no physical sensation or pleasure to keep it up. When I ejaculate, there is no feeling of release or satisfaction. I will do anything in order to feel sexual pleasure if you can help me.

 Michael small

 First, you may have to totally stop masturbation because you may be experiencing extreme nerve damage in penis originating from childhood or even birth. I suggest you see an urologist.